POWERFUL COUSIN OF IRAN’S SUPREME LEADER DEFECTS TO MONACO WITH POSSIBLE SECRETS ABOUT TEHRAN’S PLUTONIUM PROGRAM

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by Cliff Magnum MONACO – A powerful cousin of Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khameini has defected from the Islamic Republic and relocated to Monaco with his wife, mistress, spotted Siamese cat, two million dollars in unmarked, non-sequential bills – and perhaps some well-guarded secrets regarding Tehran’s plutonium production program. ‘Catch you on the flip side, bitches! […]

EXTREME MAKEOVER: ISIS HIRES LEADING ADVERTISING AGENCY TO CLEAN UP NASTY IMAGE

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by Cliff Magnum ISIS has hired the Manhattan-based Dewey, Cox and Dingle advertising agency in an attempt to rebrand the militant group’s image. CEO B.J. Hoofard noted that, “The first thing I told them when we met in my office was, ‘boys, I just got a call: the 12thcentury wants its religious nihilism back.’” When […]

NAME GAME: ISIS HOLDS EMERGENCY MEETING TO CHOOSE NAME FOR ITS WAR ON THE WORLD

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by Cliff Magnum Senior members of ISIS convened an emergency meeting in response to the long-awaited naming by the United States of its military mission against the Islamic State. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Martin Dempsey, announced last week that the US-led effort against ISIS in Iraq and Syria would be called Operation […]

GAME ON: ROUHANI, OBAMA TO APPEAR ON SEASON 7 OF THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE

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by Cliff Magnum With discussions for a comprehensive agreement between Iran and the West on the Islamic Republic’s nuclear program seemingly deadlocked, Donald Trump has offered up his reality television show as a forum to settle all outstanding issues. Mr Trump commented, “I’ve achieved a lot, made $4 billion, ran for President, convinced people this […]

Soundtrack to Russian Troop Withdrawal from Ukraine Reveals Putin’s True Intentions

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Russia’s little rascal, President Vladimir ‘Spanky’ Putin, has ordered his troops to return to their permanent bases after military exercises in the Rostov region near the border with Ukraine, Russian news agencies reported late on Saturday. Secretary General of NATO Sven Sockergris reportedly “slept like a baby for the first time in months, not a […]

UNfriend: The Case for Israel Pulling out of the United Nations

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By Harry and Gidon Ben-Zvi Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s address to the UN General Assembly in New York took last week took place in the Western world’s epicenter for the promotion, codification and implementation of institutional anti-Semitism. After all, it is no coincidence that behind every conflict Israel has ever fought there has been […]