ISIS: “MUSLIMS DISCOVERED AMERICA…AND WE WANT IT BACK”

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by Gidon Ben-Zvi (writing as Cliff Magnum) On the heels of Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan’s claim that Muslims discovered America in the 10th century, ISIS has jumped on the bandwagon, initiating proceedings to establish its right to ownership of the entire continental United States. The multinational Jihadist conglomerate of incorporated decapitators filed papers late last week with the International […]

HAMAS LEGALIZES SAME SEX UNIONS IN THE GAZA STRIP

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by Gidon Ben-Zvi (writing as Cliff Magnum)  The Hamas government said Friday it will recognize same-sex marriages performed in any of the over 1,000 smuggling tunnels situated along the border between the Gaza Strip and Israel during the seven-week long Gaza War. “Something unexpected and fabulous happened during those long, lonely nights inside those dark, dusty tunnels,” […]

Riots in Jerusalem: It’s Never Been About Borders

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By Gidon Ben-Zvi, Jerusalem Correspondent, The Algemeiner The recent unrest in Jerusalem is once again fanning the fires of indignation regarding the very presence of Israelis in certain parts of the country’s capital city. Return East Jerusalem to the Palestinians, so goes the peace calculus, and these long repressed victims of an unusually cruel occupation […]

NETANYAHU WRITES SECRET LETTER TO ABBAS: DOES THE ROAD TO PEACE RUN THROUGH THE LAS VEGAS STRIP?

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by Gidon Ben-Zvi (writing as ‘Cliff Magnum’) With Israeli police on high alert amid riots in Jerusalem and Galilee, it is being reported that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has invited Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas on a roadtrip to Las Vegas in an attempt to diffuse rising tensions between Jerusalem and Ramallah. “Vegas, baby!” […]

ISRAEL TO CHANGE NAME OF JERUSALEM TO…

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by Gidon Ben-Zvi As the United States Supreme Court considers Jerusalem’s status on US passports, the Israeli government is seeking to deflate the negative connotations long associated with its capital city by submitting a referendum to the citizens of Israel that will decide on a new name and motto for the current ‘Jerusalem: God’s Feisty […]

WTF? US AUTHORIZES ‘OPERATION FRENEMY’ IN SYRIA

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by Gidon Ben-Zvi Up until now as confusing as Bashar al-Assad’s wispy moustache, America’s war against ISIS in Syria will soon hone in on who the enemy exactly is by incorporating that most effective weapon of mass distraction: the text message. Rebels of questionable allegiance will be sent this electronic message: “USA: BFF or DOA?” […]

SENIOR SAUDI ARABIAN MINISTER REJECTS RAPPROCHEMENT WITH ISRAEL

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by Gidon Ben-Zvi Saudi Commerce Minister His Royal Freshness Prince Nash bin Baba Al-Saud stated on Tuesday that the rash of rumors about dialogue between Riyadh and Jerusalem is little more than a Zionist ruse. “Get real, cousin. This whole ‘from foe to friend’ plotline is as hackneyed as The Dark Night Rises. Jewish screenplay […]