The endless quest by Western governments to invent a moderate Iran has finally ended. As part of the Islamic Republic’s rebooted ‘dialogue of civilizations’ campaign, Iran’s sweet talking new president, Hassan Rouhani, has called for a nationwide plebiscite to decide on the country’s new national anthem.
Around the world, the applause meter has gone off the charts, with diplomats from The Hague to Haiti hailing the pending vote as a surefire sign that a new spirit of reconciliation has taken root in Iran.
As selected by the country’s ruling clergy, here are the candidates for the Islamic Republic of Iran’s shiny, happy new national song:
1) “Hello, I Love You” (The Doors)
Feel the love here.
2) “Touch Me” (Samantha Fox)
Get touched now.
3) “99 Red Balloons” (Nena)
Grab your balloon here.
4) “Shelter From The Storm” (Bob Dylan)
Ride the tempest here.
5) “Party At Ground Zero” (Fishbone)
Inhale some pink vapor stew here!
6) “The Cup Of Life” (Ricky Martin)
Take a sip now.
7) “Celebration” (Kool & The Gang)
Celebrate good times, come on!
8) “High Hopes” (Frank Sinatra)
Get high here.
9) “It’s A Wonderful World” (Louis Armstrong)
Take a trip around the world now.
10) “It’s The End Of The World As We Know it (And I Feel Fine)” (REM)
Listen to yourself churn here.
Iranian citizens have reacted enthusiastically to the referendum, with voter turnout expected to range anywhere from 99 to 102 percent.