Russia’s little rascal, President Vladimir ‘Spanky’ Putin, has ordered his troops to return to their permanent bases after military exercises in the Rostov region near the border with Ukraine, Russian news agencies reported late on Saturday.
Secretary General of NATO Sven Sockergris reportedly “slept like a baby for the first time in months, not a single night scream or dry heave…” in response to the soothing news of the pending pullout.
Relations between Moscow and the NATO alliance have chilled over Russia’s recent actions in Ukraine. President Putin, who recently updated his Facebook status from ‘it’s complicated’ to ‘engaged to’ Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, annexed the Crimean peninsula in March and has allegedly been supporting pro-Russian separatists in eastern Ukraine.
Despite the international community’s collective sigh of relief, a closer inspection of the songs that were heard blaring out of the retreating Russian tanks has given some Russian foreign policy experts cause for concern.
According to earwitnesses, the following tunes accompanied the Russian military’s (temporary?) return to Moscow:
- “Jive Talkin'” by The Bee Gees
- “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem and Rihanna
- “Pretending” by Eric Clapton
- “I’m Looking Through You” by The Beatles
- “Tellin’ Stories” by Tracy Chapman