ISIS has hired the Manhattan-based Dewey, Cox and Dingle advertising agency in an attempt to rebrand the militant group’s image.

CEO B.J. Hoofard noted that, “The first thing I told them when we met in my office was, ‘boys, I just got a call: the 12^thcentury wants its religious nihilism back.’”

When asked how his company plans to represent the extremist, jihadist terrorist operation, Hoofard responded dryly: “Carefully. Very Carefully.”

He went on, ‘We live in the Digital Age. Attention spans are shrinking by the minute. I don’t…oh, look I think that’s Taylor Swift!’

With that, Hoofard hopped, skipped and giggled his way out of his 37th floor Manhattan high-rise office, convinced that he had just seen the Country Music starlet strolling down Madison Avenue in an Eric Javits floppy red hat and ‘to-die-for’ Jimmy Choo stilettos.

Completing his thought later that evening on a Skype call, Hoofard stated that a few minor tweaks are all that are needed for ISIS’s website to reclaim the top spot as the most popular celebrity terrorist media outlet.

“First, out with ‘ISIS’ and in with ‘The Boys of Summer’. Second, I’m bringing in Isaac Mizrahi. I mean that guerilla chic look went out around the time that Ellen DeGeneres came out! In addition, sabers aren’t playing well among our prime 18-34 demographic. Why can’t ISIS…I mean The Boys of summer…simply paintball their way to world domination? Those balls sting! Lobbing off heads definitely won’t increase your web traffic.”

Read another opus by Magnum here.