Who WOULDN’T you want to see wind up with your liver?

Transplants are undeniably one of the most miraculous achievements of modern medicine. Yet while it’s true that one donor can save the life of several people and improve the quality of life of many more, is everyone’s life worth saving?

I am proud to say that I recently signed up to become an organ donor. However, my joining the ranks of the most righteous was conditional on the inclusion of a short ‘do-not-donate-to’ list that is applicable to the most expendable members of society:

1) Anyone who has appeared on two or more reality television programs

2) Any D.J. who talks over the opening riffs of Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns N’ Roses

3) Mouth breathers

4) Any Israeli who sprinkles his/her Hebrew with such English buzz words as ‘fighter’, ‘winner’ and ‘prime time’

5) Any man or woman whose sneeze is immediately followed up by a brief, loud, sharp scream.

6) That hipster whose iPhone ringtone is that damned 5-note Skype ringtone

7) That Facebook friend who always finds the time to ‘like’ the announcement of another Facebook friend’s personal tragedy (death of a dear friend, etc.)

8) Any individual who begins a sentence with “Call me crazy… and then proceeds to make a singularly trite observation: …but doesn’t today feel like it’s never going to end?”

9) That boss who turns you down for a promotion because “We’ve tailored your current position especially for you!”

10) That smug vegan who chain smokes and wears tight LEATHER pants

Having been reassured that my prized innards will only occupy the hobbled bodies of those with whom I can conceive of sharing an evening of good conversation with, I can now lustily encourage everyone out there who hasn’t yet done so to donate.

After all, “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~Winston Churchill

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